dontforsakeurself

Who am I? i'm a human being, A college student obtaining a bachelors degree in criminal justice with a minor in homeland security, a diploma in forensic science and private investigation, then will be obtaining a master's in Forensic Psychology as well as a PHD in Forensic Psychology. I am a mother of two girls, a girl, a woman, a writer as I am working on publishing 3 graphic horror novels, a day dreamer, a sensitive soul who seems to give to much and doesn't take anything in return. I am often confused and don't take to kindly to those who confuse me on purpose. I love punk rock music, but country soothes my soul. I love beautiful lyrics, especially those in which you can relate to through your daily life. I like when people are real, as I feel that this helps to develop better relationships and gets rid of the what if's in them. I crave answers, life is nothing but one big question.. I crave pizza at 3 in the morning sometimes, and boston cream pie at 7 am. I'm a follower, but I hope to someday have enough brains and strength to lead. I hate bananas and split second fame. I hate war, as i feel it does nothing but teach the human race that we must kill one another to prove a point. I hate disease, it always seems to kill off the most important things in life, that being family and friends. I fear death, not so much the dying part, but the thought of dying alone. I fear loss and pain, that being if I ever lost my children. I'm still afraid of the dark sometimes, but I crave it too. I'm terrified of love, as all to often one finds themselves being hurt by the most powerful force imaginable. I don't trust easily. I don't forgive easily. I believe in friendship and that it can last forever. So who am I? You tell me.

An analogy to explain: I feel as if life is a text-book based class and my first assignment is to read and discuss the first 5,000 chapters. The lessons of life should be dispersed and evenly distributed... I'm being hit with many of the major lessons simultaneously. And it's scary as hell. I always thought I was mature, and I'm realizing that I have a long way to go before I have a firm grasp on what to do with myself. Like, most classes are taught chapter to chapter, build on your knowledge as you go. Lately it's just been like, "Wham!! Now... survive. I am tired of surviving to live, I want to have the means to live to survive. Will that ever happen? Well sure, as soon as I finish growing up and obtain a grasp of what I want to do with my life and work my hardest to get there. There is nothing in life holding me back but myself, and that is something that needs to be changed. Though I have many people in my life that try and dictate what I should and should not do, only I can go forth and do what I should do. I know what is best for me, one day I shall figure it out.