Losing You.

My blood is cold,
My face is pale.
I'm growing old,
& I'm turning stale.
I've lost my mind,
& my soul as well.
I have lost track of time,
Is that such a crime?...
I say words that I do not mean,
They are more like something in between.
His last words make my ears ring,
"I don't want to die!"
His lips sing.
I try to drown it out,
But it's all that I hear.
Everything far, everything near.
I am strong for my brothers & my mother & a few...
But god knows, if I had a bullet... I'd take my life too...
"Suicide is not the way, it's a cowards way! If you do it, you'll make your friends & family pay!!"
Oh hush, I know the consequences, 
this is not my "first rodeo".
Maybe I'll do it, and show you all that I know.
I know what I'm doing, 
I know 1,000 ways to die!
Maybe, if I make it past the gates of heaven, I'll tell my father goodbye. 
Maybe if I make it past the gates of hell, I'll lie!
I made it through my life with no sin, please god! Please god let me in!!
I want to be with my father!
I promise I won't be a bother!
I know I've done wrong, 
I know the devils within.
But I blew my brains out, to reunite with my father again.