earned run

I know that I haven't earned
the redemption that I write towards
 
but
I do know
that I own the right
to say damned.

Damned to the lifecycle
of an apology
and
the consistency of numbness
required
to deny regret.

Damned to the chase
of timing
that love

lusts to lose.
 
Damned to obesity
when I am a track-star
spitting in the face
of the word that I've earned most,

run.