Progress

Stuttering at the blackboard,
with crimson face,
I tried to justify
the tree of me's empty space.

I learned to swallow
the shame along with
the gibberish
of middle-class nuclear bliss.

My heart was betrayed
by teary questions
about him
and what life could have been.

Most days the longing
only gnawed the edges
eventually though
devoured,
with precision, my world and all decisions.

Seeking to light for myself
this dark night
I burned every candle,
let every flame exhaust
completely
insanely
oblivous to the cost.

Tired
humbled and surrendered
at last
I embrace the deepest
blackest place
to find my love
my truth
my grace.