The She That Was Never Loved

This is a rather odd poem for me. I dont really quite know where all this 'I hate myself' stuff is coming from but, there it is, lol. This is also based on one of my dreams I have had recently, it was just as odd as my last one but much more....odd. Well, I hope you enjoy and as always comments and critiquing are my favorites. Thanks. ~ Jade

didn't really expect the depth that you reached here

"She sat in a chair, alone in
the room. Her head was cocked
to one side.

Her eyes were glazed over with
her pitiful view; through the window
she couldn't see the light.

Her heart beat steady beneath her
breast. Her hair fell freely in plastic
locks.

The only sound that bit her ears
was the eery, malevolant tocks of
the clock. "

That was so vivid with darkness and absence, I was completely absorbed into the mood. I believe the follow up to these lines were misguided somewhat into too deep a self gloom as opposed to the original orientation of abstract concepts overwhelming the scene better depicting your personal feelings than when you actually shifted the focus onto "The She" directly.

Awesome writing, shows great promise, keep writing

Thanks. I am glad I managed to capture you with the depth of this piece. :D No worries, I definitely will keep writing. ;)

I also feel your first four stanzas here draw me into the scene, or pull the scene around me.  And the last two lines are a perfect ending.

I took a bit of you guys' advice and fixed it up a bit, I hope it looks better. :P Thanks for reading. :D

I am a sucker for dark romance, so from my perspective, this seems like dark romance. The She That Was Never Loved is like a love-hate relationship with yourself. your details are oddly used but the effect is resounding, and the rhythm is smooth, although it doesn't seem so how it is written. (at first sight) overall, it is profound.

Yes, it definitely has a romancey touch to it, thanks for noticing. :D I'm thankful that you like it. :)

this quite the captivating especially the closing lines good job :)

Thanks Glenn, I appreciate it. The last two lines were a little difficult to sum up but I am glad I chose these two; they seem to have been a good idea. :D Thanks again. :)

I adore this style of writing, found it haunting to read!

Thanks, I am so glad you found what you adore here. :D Thanks for the read, comment, and add. I luvs it! ^_^

such a unique poem it took me a while to get because of ite depthness but amazing none the less

Thanks, glad you liked it. :)

This is amazing!!!!!!!!!! You've only really described very little, but the depth and descrete sadness comes through in such a vivid way!!!!!!!!!!