Ghost

I didn't want to fall in love with you
You stupid, stupid, broken boy
You were the perfect example of what I have always hated
Weak, arrogant, self-centered
You have carved a space inside my heart
Made yourself a home
Where we both know you don't belong.

Began with a slam greeting
When I wasn't seeing where I was going
And you just happened to put your broken arm in front of me
And I might have, just maybe slammed into it.
Ends with a broken smile
From a broken girl
Who once upon a time thought you were her whole wide world

She's older now
She's wiser
And she knows that she has to go
Or she'll lose the battle of will
Between her head and her heart
And she's torn
Staying behind would break her spine
She can't stand as straight as she used to
Bent and crooked from trying to cram herself
Into the cookie cutter shape
Of your perfect girl

Leaving would break her heart
Because she can't imagine a day that goes by without your smile
Without your ridiculous faces
And phases
And the poetry that makes her heart beat fast
As she wonders if any of them could possibly be about her
Because every single poem she writes is about him
And his perfectly messy hair
And his darkness
And imperfections
That shouldn't suit him
But they do

Oh, they make him all the more easy to love
I can't love you
Not just because it will kill me
Burn away the confidence that once filled me
Rip apart the very foundations of which I once relied solely upon
But because loving you is loving the pain of your absence
Holding on to the flimsy lies like the edge of a building
My feet are dangling off the ledge
And it feels so damn good
To want to fall
And it scares the shit out of me

I'm tired
Of waiting
Of hoping
Of knowing that you can never feel that deep pit of emptiness when you're in a room filled with people and all alone
Because you will never be alone
Someone will always love you
Just not as much as I do