Dear Rachael

I’ve been saying goodbye to sleep
and edible choices
it’s not the same now you’re gone
less a prison of four walls and a locked door
than the tragedy of your own mind

your tears run through the eye of the storm
amid the non-existent hurricane you’ve been driving though
swerving for the birds, screaming at them to stop
to stop stealing your thoughts

there’s a little girl without a mother
“she’s been seeing things [that aren’t there]”
bad men and a changeling faery story
her little girl is everywhere but in her head

my tears don’t fill a vial of self-pity
when I’ve been crying for the hopelessness of heart
my own storm of fear prying my eyes open at night
compressing my chest until I can’t breathe
I know where you are, but I don’t know how you’re doing
are you scared in there?

I ponder what I’ve done, trying to find a different answer
to the same problems, and there was never any other solution

cop cars and a silent ambulance
your fear making you wide eyed and compliant
“I think I’m sick”, you said
“I think you are too sweetie”, I sadly agreed
before I crept through the halls of your house
and set motion to the path
that leaves you involuntarily incarcerated

when it’s all over
please forgive me
for loving you too much to let you die alone
and leave behind a little girl
that needs you more

-Eve-