deepundergroundpoetry.com
Killing Him Slowly, Pedal By Pedal
She doubted him
So she plucked away
The pedals of him
Day by day.
His smile
His laugh
His happy
His sad.
She plucked it all away.
The pedals that were left
Were wilted and half-dead.
He loved her so
But did she believe him? No
She tore pedals from the flower;
She tore him apart.
She crushed the last pedal:
That was his heart.
So she plucked away
The pedals of him
Day by day.
His smile
His laugh
His happy
His sad.
She plucked it all away.
The pedals that were left
Were wilted and half-dead.
He loved her so
But did she believe him? No
She tore pedals from the flower;
She tore him apart.
She crushed the last pedal:
That was his heart.
Published 26th Jan 2013
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26th Jan 2013 6:51am
26th Jan 2013 1:42pm
26th Jan 2013 7:00am
Not too bad Coinin, be sure to structure properly, some metaphors and punctuation couldn't hurt either, keep it going, nicely done.
26th Jan 2013 1:41pm
I don't use much punctuation by choice.
I have you pause where I want you to.
And I'm not big on metaphors either.
I'm straight forward and to the point.
I believe Poetry is perfect however the author writes it.
thank you for your comment though,
I truly appreciate it. :)
I have you pause where I want you to.
And I'm not big on metaphors either.
I'm straight forward and to the point.
I believe Poetry is perfect however the author writes it.
thank you for your comment though,
I truly appreciate it. :)