deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Highway
It once, and still is,a dusty highway,
It was cold( a bit like love) and gray
In the middle of nowhere
There is practically nothing left but air
On and on this dark and damask highway went,
It left nothing but a icy, dead scent
This ghost highway was here long ago,
Very little people come and go
Yet I still walk on and on,
Looking for what we lost until dawn
On this highway I tell myself I don't miss you,
but deep, down inside, I know thats not true...
Not to sound too demanding, but i want honest opinions....
It was cold( a bit like love) and gray
In the middle of nowhere
There is practically nothing left but air
On and on this dark and damask highway went,
It left nothing but a icy, dead scent
This ghost highway was here long ago,
Very little people come and go
Yet I still walk on and on,
Looking for what we lost until dawn
On this highway I tell myself I don't miss you,
but deep, down inside, I know thats not true...
Not to sound too demanding, but i want honest opinions....
Published 18th Jan 2013
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jan 2013 7:00am
'practically': spelling mistake 4th line.
I'm not very good at critique,
but i'm gonna give you my best shot.
Firstly I love the actual poem,
it's a lot better than many of those
out there; the soppy ones with the roses
and the tears e.c.t. Though this may just
be because I like to spend my days
in the dark area of my mind;
however I know good from bad.
You're definitely good.
I'm not sure about the commas on the end of each line,
I think that if your going to do the whole
capital letter at the start thing,
it should be bereft of other punctuation.
I just kept reading, pausing at each line,
wondering when the full stop was going to come along.
You could brush up the vocab a little
and use some different words,
though that's all I can pick out.
Love the poem,
very well written.
I'm not very good at critique,
but i'm gonna give you my best shot.
Firstly I love the actual poem,
it's a lot better than many of those
out there; the soppy ones with the roses
and the tears e.c.t. Though this may just
be because I like to spend my days
in the dark area of my mind;
however I know good from bad.
You're definitely good.
I'm not sure about the commas on the end of each line,
I think that if your going to do the whole
capital letter at the start thing,
it should be bereft of other punctuation.
I just kept reading, pausing at each line,
wondering when the full stop was going to come along.
You could brush up the vocab a little
and use some different words,
though that's all I can pick out.
Love the poem,
very well written.
18th Jan 2013 9:19pm
