deepundergroundpoetry.com
Don't write back
If you do, I'll have to tell you
everything
that's been on my mind
and you might find it hard to swallow
There'll be the mush
and other such measured lines
of treasured times
and heartbeats jumping 'n thumping
there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window
But there'll be no words of caution
of how I'll peruse you, then prize your heart
'til I tear it asunder,
sustained, systematic assault
'til there's nothing left of you to plunder,
and you'll wonder what's occurred
when you're left slumped in the corner
just like that old tainted toy
some spoiled child leaves for a new one
so it'll be no one's fault but your own
if you do write back
Many thanks to Atakti for her voice
everything
that's been on my mind
and you might find it hard to swallow
There'll be the mush
and other such measured lines
of treasured times
and heartbeats jumping 'n thumping
there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window
But there'll be no words of caution
of how I'll peruse you, then prize your heart
'til I tear it asunder,
sustained, systematic assault
'til there's nothing left of you to plunder,
and you'll wonder what's occurred
when you're left slumped in the corner
just like that old tainted toy
some spoiled child leaves for a new one
so it'll be no one's fault but your own
if you do write back
Many thanks to Atakti for her voice
Written by
lepperochan
(CraicDealer)
Published 17th Jan 2013
| Edited 24th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 21
reading list entries 5
comments 40
reads 585
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Don't write back
17th Jan 2013 9:53pm
Liking the concept of the heartbreak projected into the future.
"there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window"
Great lines.
I propose a reading, I think it will sound good aloud.
"there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window"
Great lines.
I propose a reading, I think it will sound good aloud.
2
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re: Re: Don't write back
17th Jan 2013 10:05pm
Atakti,
still not sure 'bout this, though I do value your opine and the input you gave.
well, ok I'll not stand in your way if you want to do a reading. I hereby accept your proposal :)
Thank you kindly for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
still not sure 'bout this, though I do value your opine and the input you gave.
well, ok I'll not stand in your way if you want to do a reading. I hereby accept your proposal :)
Thank you kindly for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
re: re: Re: Don't write back
17th Jan 2013 10:26pm
Remind me not to do any business deals with you...
:P
Link on its way in the next few days.
:P
Link on its way in the next few days.
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re: re: re: Re: Don't write back
17th Jan 2013 11:51pm
ok, never do a business deal with me, I'll always end up on top :)
look forward to the link, thank you much-ly
look forward to the link, thank you much-ly
Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 00:43am
re: Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 8:47am
Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 8:38am
I'm having this exact same issue.. It sucks :-( but your poem is kick ass xoxoxo lep
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re: Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 8:49am
Gigi, me ol' flower
Nice to see you knocking about the place.
Aww..
thank's for the drop by and thoughts left :)
Nice to see you knocking about the place.
Aww..
thank's for the drop by and thoughts left :)
Anonymous
- Edited 14th Nov 2018 6:35pm
18th Jan 2013 9:56am
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 10:39am
Magdalena;
A gentleman always forewarns before he rips the heart of some innocent. :) you've obviously been knocking about with some less than gentleman-ly people :P
Thank you for the drop-by and thoughts Magdalena
A gentleman always forewarns before he rips the heart of some innocent. :) you've obviously been knocking about with some less than gentleman-ly people :P
Thank you for the drop-by and thoughts Magdalena
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Sep 2020 7:37pm
18th Jan 2013 12:03pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
18th Jan 2013 12:50pm
Jaysus Missy, you're a rare treat :)
the Jumping 'n thumping line, I tried a couple of ways to extend that a little ..even by just one word ' jumping, thumping 'n .. ' but I was unable to think of anything that'd fit. I still kind of think it might need a word to fit the meter but if it works I'll leave it alone.
This is kind of what I'm playing around with at the moment, trying to create something that rolls from the get go, I feel it's getting close but practice 'n all that jizz.
really appreciate your feedback Missy, thanks
the Jumping 'n thumping line, I tried a couple of ways to extend that a little ..even by just one word ' jumping, thumping 'n .. ' but I was unable to think of anything that'd fit. I still kind of think it might need a word to fit the meter but if it works I'll leave it alone.
This is kind of what I'm playing around with at the moment, trying to create something that rolls from the get go, I feel it's getting close but practice 'n all that jizz.
really appreciate your feedback Missy, thanks
Anonymous
- Edited 21st May 2018 7:36pm
19th Jan 2013 7:40pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
19th Jan 2013 9:32pm
Devlin,
Pleased you enjoyed this little number.
Thanks lots for dropping in and leaving your thoughts, good to see you
Pleased you enjoyed this little number.
Thanks lots for dropping in and leaving your thoughts, good to see you
Re: Don't write back
Anonymous
19th Jan 2013 10:34pm
Wow! Wow! Awed by this write!
I enjoyed it's entirety!
I will have to read more of you! :)
I enjoyed it's entirety!
I will have to read more of you! :)
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
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re: Re: Don't write back
19th Jan 2013 11:05pm
alright.. calm down over there Lady :D
read as much of me as you like, just don't write back ..
anyhow , appreciate the time you've taken to read my stuff, liking your presence.
thanks lots
read as much of me as you like, just don't write back ..
anyhow , appreciate the time you've taken to read my stuff, liking your presence.
thanks lots
Re: Don't write back
20th Jan 2013 2:24am
Loving your style and flow! You wouldn't have to tell me twice "Don't write back". LOL
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re: Re: Don't write back
20th Jan 2013 1:26pm
Yourheartbeats,
Maybe I wouldn't tell you once, ..you feelin lucky? well are you ..punk? ;)
Apreciate your kind words Lady, thank you for that
Maybe I wouldn't tell you once, ..you feelin lucky? well are you ..punk? ;)
Apreciate your kind words Lady, thank you for that
Re: Don't write back
20th Jan 2013 9:12am
So emotive and well penned. Easy to feel the sadness in this one. A well wrote projection of heartbreak. :]
-Eve-
-Eve-
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re: Re: Don't write back
20th Jan 2013 1:31pm
Ah Eve of the apples ,
Kind of you to drop into my humble scribe-ings, good to see you.
You know yourself, heartbreak is as much a way of life as death is so we're bound to touch upon it with our writings every now and then.
Thanks again, pork chop :D
Kind of you to drop into my humble scribe-ings, good to see you.
You know yourself, heartbreak is as much a way of life as death is so we're bound to touch upon it with our writings every now and then.
Thanks again, pork chop :D
Re: Don't write back
21st Jan 2013 10:54pm
This
"There'll be the mush
and other such measured lines
of treasured times
and heartbeats jumping 'n thumping
there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window"
was without a doubt the best part (a lovely cohesiveness to the metaphor being the primary reason) But the whole piece showed good craftsmanship Eamonn. Thoroughly enjoyed this :)
"There'll be the mush
and other such measured lines
of treasured times
and heartbeats jumping 'n thumping
there'll be lines of hope
tied by thin rope, to the leg of a grand piano
that's edging slow towards an open window"
was without a doubt the best part (a lovely cohesiveness to the metaphor being the primary reason) But the whole piece showed good craftsmanship Eamonn. Thoroughly enjoyed this :)
1
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re: Re: Don't write back
21st Jan 2013 11:41pm
Maggie
you be far too kind, can't say I mind the encouragement though.
thanks much for stopping by :)
you be far too kind, can't say I mind the encouragement though.
thanks much for stopping by :)
Anonymous
- Edited 20th Oct 2019 11:35pm
24th Jan 2013 2:07pm
<< post removed >>
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re: Re: Don't write back
25th Jan 2013 2:48pm
Anonymous
- Edited 16th May 2018 10:05pm
24th Jan 2013 11:00pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
25th Jan 2013 2:49pm
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 11:37am
26th Jan 2013 11:56am
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
27th Jan 2013 5:10pm
TS
many thanks for the kind words, ahh yes the audio really bring the words to life :D
naughty..yes
cheers big ears.
many thanks for the kind words, ahh yes the audio really bring the words to life :D
naughty..yes
cheers big ears.
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 11:37am
27th Jan 2013 5:50pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
Re: Don't write back
4th Feb 2013 3:58am
Added to reading list ... delicious. Didn't listen to the audio, wanted to 'hear' it in your voice.
Damn CraicDealer, don't make me have a crush on you :-p
Damn CraicDealer, don't make me have a crush on you :-p
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re: Re: Don't write back
4th Feb 2013 8:54am
Kaatho,
Made up with your visit and the listing.
Don't you go crushing on me ..can't you read? :D
cheers big ears.
Made up with your visit and the listing.
Don't you go crushing on me ..can't you read? :D
cheers big ears.
Re: Don't write back
9th Feb 2013 9:08am
re: Re: Don't write back
9th Feb 2013 9:43am
Re: Don't write back
22nd Feb 2013 4:17am
I tried a couple of ways to extend that a little ..even by just one word ' jumping, thumping 'n .. ' but I was unable to think of anything that'd fit.
trumping? just a thought.
Although I don't think it needs a damn thing. I thought it read perfectly well the way it is.
Loved the piano line. watching it, and knowing that someone was going to be crushed, while they stood there knowing it was coming, and just let it come on down. Ain't love grand?
Lola
trumping? just a thought.
Although I don't think it needs a damn thing. I thought it read perfectly well the way it is.
Loved the piano line. watching it, and knowing that someone was going to be crushed, while they stood there knowing it was coming, and just let it come on down. Ain't love grand?
Lola
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re: Re: Don't write back
22nd Feb 2013 7:08am
Ain't it just, like that Grand piano waiting to crush you to death or worse still ..dead.
I've gone off the idea of trying to extend that line, thanks for the suggestion though.
happy to see you knocking about Low-lah, thanks for the kind words.
I've gone off the idea of trying to extend that line, thanks for the suggestion though.
happy to see you knocking about Low-lah, thanks for the kind words.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 7:52pm
7th Mar 2013 5:11pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Don't write back
1st Apr 2013 6:36pm
Mikki
Thank you kindly missus, the odd time something decent will pop into my head. If I'm lucky I'll be on a keyboard when it happens.
appreciate you dropping by.
Thank you kindly missus, the odd time something decent will pop into my head. If I'm lucky I'll be on a keyboard when it happens.
appreciate you dropping by.
Re: Don't write back
1st Apr 2013 6:51am
re: Re: Don't write back
1st Apr 2013 6:51pm
Haley
welcome to this place, thanks for reading and throwing some thoughts together on it.
have a good stay.
welcome to this place, thanks for reading and throwing some thoughts together on it.
have a good stay.