Keeping Me

I won't open this door.  
I've lock myself within my own heart.  
The cracks along the walls their are eyes always watching.  
I can't see the brilliance of light my alliance is with the dark.  
It's the only place I can easily dodge.  
The words that are meant to hurt.  
Why am I crying?  
For some reason I felt your hand pressed against my door.  
I open up after a long time to the sight of you,  
I'm relieved.  
 
The answer's well hidden I doubt you'd ever find it.  
It's actually pretty simple, I'll smile for awhile and see if you can understand.  
I'm not meant to.  
 
Keeping me home, keeping my door closed.  
You were the one you held me higher each day.  
When I felt cold you'd hold me close.  
Why do you spend so much time with me?  
Keeping me safe, away from your laugh.  
You were the one you broke me even more.  
I saw your enjoyment to my mistreatment  
So can I take back my beautiful words?  
 
I never thought what you left behind would hurt me so, so very much...  
The very thing precious to me betrays me for the first time...why...  
I'll endure, I'll accept as if it were your gift.  
It's the only good thing that I'm ever good at.  
Oh why did you have to do that?!?  
How could you!!!  
 
Keeping me home, keeping...  
When I felt cold you'd hold...close.  
Why is it me every time?
Keeping me safe...  
I saw you laugh as I'm suffering  
can you explain to me why that is...