Still Protective

The connection is still there...I can still feel her pain....its even stronger then my sense of death

Why is this? I'm over her but my senses are choking me to see her....I'm worried about her

She doesnt take care of herslef very well....she isnt very careful haha

Those weeks....were it seems I have to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills to subdue myself....I wake up snarling and screaming, holding the sides my head....nightmares of her being there smiling at me at one momment and then fading away into an abyss...its like hot coals in my stomache   

I wonder if theres still hatred for me there for me to sense...or if I'm sensing her losses....her burdens....its like I used to but much more confusing

When I'm in familiar places..places that remind me of the past I focuss in on the  heartbeats of the people around me to see if I can find one that is familiar to  me... her heartbeat was always a little faster then everybody elses..like she was always on edge, I found it a little amusing  

It looks like my conscience and God are telling me....I'm still her protector

I didnt realise this was a full on job...a job I couldnt just leave

ugg This may be....difficult