I don't know

I don't know what to do,
It has all gone amiss,
I'm not sure,
I can continue with this.

Mixed emotions that I feel,
They consume me,
While they add up,
To nothing more than apathy.

Is it for a cause,
Only in vain,
Is there an honest reason,
For my pain?

My chest tightens,
When I think of either option,
I need to choose,
Part of me has made a conclusion.

The rest still holds on,
Perhaps it's blind,
Or maybe my heart,
Knows more than my mind.

I start to say it,
Then something stops me,
Like my heart saw something,
My eyes can't see.

I'm not sure this can end,
Without a broken heart,
I should have been more careful,
Perhaps not let it start.

It hurts,
No matter how it goes,
If I can do this,
Only my heart knows.

I want to,
So maybe I will,
Maybe I'm addicted,
Just like a pill.