deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sleep in dreams
Will you come with me?
to fly in the sky,
swim in the sea,
live in a land of dreams,
lost in my gaze,
moonlight shines on your peacful face,
as i watch you sleep,
lost in a land of dreams.
in an ever silent night.
sleep, oh sleep,
and i'll be by your side.
to fly in the sky,
swim in the sea,
live in a land of dreams,
lost in my gaze,
moonlight shines on your peacful face,
as i watch you sleep,
lost in a land of dreams.
in an ever silent night.
sleep, oh sleep,
and i'll be by your side.
Published 1st Sep 2009
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1st Sep 2009 8:21am
That was really good, but it ends too sudden. Maybe you could add one more line. Enforce your repetition of the words "in a land of dreams". You have Live, Lost, maybe end in "sleep, oh sleep, and i'll be by your side. Lover, in a land of dreams"
I think it would add a nice touch. A great ending. More content. :)
Just a suggestion.
I think it would add a nice touch. A great ending. More content. :)
Just a suggestion.
1st Sep 2009 7:53pm
yeah. i know. i wrote this in the middle of the night thow. i had no more energy(plus i couldn't see it well) by the time i wrote it. lol.
but, i don't like adding things..i may thow.
but, i don't like adding things..i may thow.
4th Sep 2011 2:30am
Lol I liked it very much,but it does seem unbalanced a little at the end. Very awesome though. Love the 3rd-6th lines most.
16th Nov 2011 3:41am