Pretty Vacant

She asked the price though she knew all to well
A starting point for our doorstep conversations
That would go on for longer than they should
This time was different
I could tell instantly having seen the signs before in others
The pause in asking how much
The vacant look she tried to cover up with that beautiful smile of forty odd years

"A cheque is fine if you hav'nt the cash"
It was'nt fine I despise cheques, But I said it all the same, Cursing to myself as now a trip to the bank was on the cards

She smiled "oh yes a cheque ok"

The silent pause was deafening

"is everything ok? I mean with a cheque?"

The silent pause

The beautiful smile

Somewhere the power within her must have been switched back on

"oh I might have the money one minute"

She came back ten minutes later

"fifty pounds was'nt it?"


I would have laughed and made a joke at this point but something made me zip it and smile instead

"No no  only forty"
"Forty is fine"

She handed me the money
actually handed over a lot of money
two hundred maybe three hundred

I looked at her
The deafening pause returned with a vengence
The big smile re appeared

I took the forty
And handed her back the rest

The smile returned
trying to hide the confusion within

"It's ok the rest is yours"
I've taken my forty pounds"

Putting the rest in her hand
holding it there longer than what was permitted

"it's ok"

again

"It's ok"

Her husband looked on, A safe distance away
trying to give the independance for as long as he would be able to

He nodded
I nodded back
acknowledgement shared

I knew as I walked away It was never going to be ok