GRIEF

Grief

I don't know how I'm feeling
I don't know what to do
I feel i ought to know; how to be dealing
with life, but i haven't got a clue.
My thought's are dark, and grey right now
cant sleep. eat. sit; just write - somehow
what i do know Is; It doesn't alliminate the pain
I am hoping, it just helps; take away the strain
and the hurt, in my heart.
But i feel that; that is an art
that; i do not know how to do
please help me? learn.
How to be true to myself; forget everyone else
look after me ;look after self.
life's long dreams, been ripped from the shelf
My future, my mind is ruining my health

I didn't want, much money ;or lust
just a husband ,and kids, ; and to god i did trust
But its not meant to be, ; dear god set me free
the realisation now ;of no grandchildren for me

I'm getting old,  and already failed to conceive
what, is in this life for me
But i did once believe.
Now,  is this now how its meant to be

Acceptance you say
are you in the same boat
my home and my husband, taken away
do you look at me and gloat
as we once were, the perfect couple us two
envied by everyone unbeknown to me and you
love was strong for so many years
but now i just have a life full of tears

A failure  to give a husband a child
you tell me its not a problem its really mild
as kids just bring you pain and stress
like you know - how dare you address
me and say that, for you, do not know
i can see by your family your happy it shows
rejection, and sad, lonely, and bad.
A failure, lost marriage oh god i sound sad
grateful;l i should be but I'm sorry thats not me
to be true to myself i need to believe

that a purpose in life is waiting
but what i will is say - i wont be mating
separation,  not death; why cant i let him free
from my heart, my thoughts I'm restenful, angry

no one to come home to to share your day
i know how my mum feels now my dads passed away
I've realilsed I'm not the only one out there
but who really cares

its not until you have been there.........