Another Saturday Night

I...
walk into my bathroom
silk robe tied on the side
feeling my bare vulnerable skin beneath

I'm...walking with my candle.
the only light for this journey.

It's....Saturday night and I am..
Alone...
again.
Except for my cats...
Spirit and Neftali are
scratching impatiently at the door.

At least my presence is wanted by someone
tonight.

I step into my shower and let the steam
and heat rise high above my thoughts...
As I lean back letting rivulets of extreme
heat score my flesh...almost to tears

Then...like a tropical storm...all at once
my tears begin to fall...
First in steady streams..
then in Vivid torrents...
that seam as if they would wreck my frame
and tear my soul from its hinges...
As my shadow dances sullenly against the
flickering candle light...
still...
I hear gently scratching at the door.
I know it is Neftali..he is the most impatient
of my feline associates....

I sink...
to the bottom of the tub letting water
cover me till my locks are heavy..
letting the water take away as much of
this ache...as possible
Off in the distance...
I hear my neighbors making love
That's what I get for living in a place
where the walls are toilet paper thin...

I don't envy them
I only smile faintly to myself
and try not to remember what hands
on my flesh feels like...
I try not to remember what strong
heated lips on my neck and back feel like
I try ....not to feel or remember
anything at all.  
Only this heat....from the water
Only this candle...reconfirming
my emptiness...
SO I rise...finally...
able to stand after crying reduced me
to my knees....
I dry my locks...
Noxema my face...
don my silk robe again...
Find that bottle of jack
I hid from my self...(when I was in a much happier mood)
and settle in for another
Lonely...Saturday Night.