i live without living

I live without living, my life was sucked out of me and replaced with darkness, my body wont stop shaking, ive died without dying, i would rather die of a horrible murder than feel this way, shaking, numbness,love the emotion turned black, but when the numbing feeling goes im left with the pain and my blood covered arms and legs, surrounded by emptyness the day goes on im still in the same spot i was twelve hours ago, blood now dried, i still wish i had died, the flame fills my head, do i really want to be dead? do i have any friends? i wouldnt blame them if they hated me, do they really feel so? i dont really know....... but i might as well just go.