I'm disturbed.

I was looking through some old facebook messages and found this. The fuck did I write?

There was was a man named Chlamydia.
Because his parents were sick, sick people.
So he had everyone call him Chlam for short.
He had a sister who was also named Chlamydia, but she had everyone call her Lydia.
But no one did. They called her Chlamydia.
And she was sad
Anyway!
Chlam went to the corner store one day to pick up a carton of milk for his mother.
She needed it for her live animal sacrifice.
And for the chowder she was making for dinner!
And when he went inside and opened the freezer door, he was sucked into an alternate universe where his name was Herpes. But finding no nicknames suitable, he had everyone call him Kenneth.
Then he met a girl and had a baby!
Right as he shook her hand, actually.
It just kinda fell out of him.
He was very surprised.
And to this day, he still can't find where the baby came out of.
Then, seeing the look of shock and horror on Kenneth's face, the girl fell instantly in love.
And being single and alone with this child that spontaneously burst from his body, Kenneth decided that the girl wasn't too bad and that he could tolerate living with her.
So they lived happily ever after.
Ten years later
Kenneth was living with his family and his fifteen year old son.
(For the baby that burst from him was not a baby, but a five year old Chinese boy who, when addressed, responded only if called "John Lennon".
His wife, like wine, grew more appealing with age.
And was flexible enough to fit into most bottles.
Which came in handy.
But not as much as you might think...
...
Anyway!
Kenneth was out with John Lennon, who had somehow learned no English.
, and suddenly a variation of a bear rose slowly from the grass and began to chase them.
And then a portal opened up, and the store manager from the cornerstore in the other dimension stumbled through, clutching a broom and looking very confused.