Loss

I sit beside your bed
Thinking of the time I first met you
All those years ago
Where did they go?
Who is to know?
We spent the bright coins of our youth
Recklessly
Fecklessly,
Down the sunny lanes of life
Never caring where we went
Too late to repent

You stir, you speak, dark of eye and hollow cheek
My tears held in check for a love soon to be lost
I smile cheerfully falsely cheerful.
Pardonable  deceit
“What can I get for you?”
Dear wife oh were it another life.
Drinking glass handed over
Your hand trembling with the effort of holding
“Let me do it” gently scolding
I support your head and pour

Your tumour weakened smile
Warms my heart but strikes like a knife
You the mother of our child
Lover of my life
Soon to be gone
And I, bereft, must carry on
I’m sad for me
Sorry for you
Wish there was something they could do
There isn’t

You slip into that last long sleep
Coma deep
Then it’s over and I cry
Why you not I?