We Always Fucked Them, The Story Of Irena & Nicole

I met Irena at a party store in Hamtramck  
I went in for zig-zags  
she was there for a blunt
kismet.
 
we walked out together,
smoked together  
from that day forward best friends
or rather partners in crime
 
Irena is Russian and 16 (at the time)
curly long hair, European nose and brown eyes
physically the strongest person Ive ever met
she could of been a gymnast, but she didn't want a fat neck
 
slender strong, all lean muscle
she came from a family of four girls
she the oldest, wildest and drunkest
the coolest chick ever
 
I Nicole am Iraqi and 17 (at the time)
long dark hair, Arabic nose  brown eyes
I can hold my own and I'm wittier than most
could of been anything but I was kinda forced into hustling
 
I have been on my own since I was 15
selling weed and shoplifting were my specialties  
I am blessed with great intuition  
most every con is a psychic, they just don't know it
 
we started hanging out everyday  
smoking laughing and drinking
girls hated us and all the guys wanted to hang with us
we learned quick that we made a hell of a team
 
 
Irena convinced her parents to get her a car
after that we were unstoppable
we went everywhere  
we did everything
 
we were man magnets
where ever we went men followed  
we were so disgusted by that fact
seemed like every old man was always eyeballing us
 
we started using that to our advantage
they were willing to give us whatever just to hang with us
we knew they didn't like us for our personalities  
they just wanted to get fucked
 
we called those guys bozos and doodoos  
bozos were the smarter clowns
doodoos did whatever shit we wanted when we wanted
all in the hopes of fucking me or her
 
we would pick up a doodoo and make him buy us drinks
a bunch of weed fill her car up with gas
all the while tricking him into thinking we wanted him
when we got our party favors for the night
 
we would send the doodoo into the store for something stupid
like a pack of gum, or even condoms (that one worked the best)
when they would walk into the store we would drive away
laughing our asses off
 
we did that a lot, I mean a lot
you would think word would have been out
I guess they didn't want people knowing how we got them
which was better for us
 
I had the line on doodoos and bozos
because of where I worked, at a hookah bar
seemed like every dude who walked in was a target
it was so simple, if they smile, smile back
 
if they want your number give it to them
within 24hours they would call
we would be real cool the first time we would hang
to size them up, are they a doodoo or a bozo
 
this one time I had this guy who wouldn't leave me alone
up at my work every night, he was becoming an annoyance  
he asked if I wanted to hangout with him sometime
I said sure take my number.
 
he called, they always called
he made small talk then had the nerve to ask
if I wanted to get a room
I told him I'll call you back
 
got Irena on the horn, she came by
I told her about the doodoo and how he wanted to get a room
we laughed, made jokes then we called him
told him to meet me at a gas station in Dearborn
 
one thing about us we never over planned for anything
over planning fucks shit up
just follow your instinct  
flow with the flow
 
he was at the gas station when we got there
we talked from the car window
this doodoo seemed like a bozo  
he insisted we get a room
 
he just wanted me, no Irena
we smiled at each other
he wanted me to get in his car
I said no she will take me, that way she can pick me up
 
he went with that
we ended up at motel called the clock  
ironic because time was of the essence
he got the room
 
I told Irena to park a few cars away
so if he looked out he couldn't see her
she did just that
I went in with the bozo
 
as soon as he shuts the door hes all over me
I had to think fast
I was like you stink, gross
I said lets take a shower together
 
I told him to wash first then I would be in
he started stripping in front of me
that was the funniest, he thought he was being all sexy
I turned the shower on for him
 
he got in
I think he was even singing if I remember right
I headed towards his clothes
I took his underwear, pants, car keys and cell phone
 
headed out the door to Irena's car
I hear Irena say three minutes and laugh
I jump in, I throw his keys out the window into the parking lot
Irena is laughing her ass off about the three minutes
 
I toss his phone out the window next and his undies
now for the pants
I start going through the pockets
seems like this dude carried a lot of cash
 
every pocket had hundreds and fifties  
even the little knife shaped pocket on the side had four hundred
we ended up getting lost because of the excitement
didn't matter we had scored
 
we split the cash we each got almost two grand
we went shopping and bought a quarter pound  
and had a bunch of spare cash
I called into work, didn't think it smart to go in
 
he was our first roll
what a fucking high that was
he wanted to get fucked and he did
just not in the way he was thinking
 
yeah he seen me again
I went back to work, I always had a huge set of figurative balls
no fear  
he got me outside, he said he wasn't going to hurt me
 
he needed his keys he was a contractor and he couldn't
work with his stuff locked up.
I told him what I did with them and even called the front office
for him, thank the stars they had them! someone turned them in
 
he also told me, that a poor man would have killed me
but hes a rich man who will learn from this
he called me a professional said I must do this all the time
he was the first, but not the last
 
 
15 years later and we are still friends
no we don't do the same stuff, we could we just don't
but we love reminiscing together  
nothing but crazy times and good laughs