To Really Breathe

Yeah, I have had bad days
so what
they don't make me
they don't break me

someone had me
for three days
he was a friend
I thought

he got drunk
he got violent
he was a war refugee
he turned his horror on me

razor blades
karate kicks
punches to the face
I gave in

I could barely feel my face
I decided to give up the fight
I wasn't a virgin,
figured that had to be easier

I let him do what he wanted
in hopes I could leave when he was done
hope is for little girls with dying mothers
not me

he put me in a closet
a small closet
he talked to me
from the other side

he was sober now
said he was going to have to kill me
he knew I would tell
they would revoke his refugee status

he said he wasn't going back
ever
then he was silent
I sat there, thinking

pondering my life
the things I never did
and the things that brought me here
fuck the tears, they didn't fall

this would go on for three days
drunk and violent
sober and ready to kill
always putting me back in the closet

at some point
something told me
to turn the handle
on the closet door

I did
I could here water running
the shower
he was in the shower

I took my chance
I headed to his door
five locks
I turned them

I was so excited
I pulled the door hard
one lock still locked
the whole house shook

he heard it
the water stopped
I guessed at a lock
and it worked

the door opened
I was running down the stairs
he was behind me naked
holding on to my hair like reins

I ran even faster
I pushed through the screen door
at the bottom of the stairs
he still had my hair

I started screaming
and someone, an angel
screamed that they had already called the police
he let go and ran back

I was free
everything surreal
the sky seemed fake
I took a deep breath of freedom

I ran
I kept running
because that was the best air
I had ever felt

the cement under my feet
felt like a cloud
that was the best feeling
free

everything that happened
seemed like nothing
compared to being able to run
to feel the air again

to feel the wind in my tears
that little bit of life
erased those three days
in a matter of breaths

running until I couldn't anymore
I knew those days were behind me
they would not define me
memories like the bruises faded

yes its still there
yes I think about it
here's the thing
I wont let three days take over my whole life :)