I Just Don't Understand Suicide

courage enough
to take
your own
life

yet
you don't
have the courage
to live another day

I don't get it
I don't think
I ever will
my mind can not compute

blow your brains out
hang yourself
overdose
slit your wrists

that's easier
that pain feels better
then the pain of living
I just don't get it

I try to see
how ending it
makes it better
I just cant

my 16year old cousin
took her life
we thought she had run away
we put up missing posters

it had been raining
heavily
when it stopped
we were able to check the property

her brother
went up the mountain
I heard him say "Aziza
we have been looking everywhere for you"

then I heard him scream
my heart sank into my stomach
I ran up the mountain
he told me to stay back

wish I would have listened
she was sitting against the tree
with a rope around her neck
the rain and wind had brought her down

thank the heavens it did
she had died
the first night she went missing
she hung herself

her poor brother found her
decomposing
with that rope tied
tightly around her neck

he will never forget
I will never forget
she didn't leave a note
or a reason why

so many questions
that will never be answered
so much pain created
her mother and brother walk around dead

tears never leave their eyes
the question lingers in their hearts
they blame themselves
they wear a forever frown


~Aziza would have been 19 this year~
we miss her, and we think about her everyday
wish she really would have talked to someone
anyone, she was not alone we loved her, we still do.
no one knew about the demons she was fighting
but maybe just maybe if she would have confided maybe we could
have helped her.
when people commit suicide they don't just kill themselves
they kill a piece of everyone around them~