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she loves it (round 2)
I hope your ready
because your in luck
We made love the first time
Now we're gonna fuck
I bend you over
Your pussy is still damp
I slap your ass and begin
My hand print like a stamp
I begin to fuck you
It gives me a little tickle
Getting harder every time
I watch that ass ripple
Your pussy is dripping
You take all of my cock
I begin to slow down
but you scream " don't stop"
So i slam you even harder
And that's exactly what you want
I love the warmth and wetness
Of that tight little cunt
We don't go to church
But i ask for forgiveness
The way you scream "oh god!"
They think we're religious
Now i have you against the wall
And you bite on my chest
I'm going even harder
" Baby your the best"
I turn around
And slam you on the bed
You get on your knees
And begin to give me head
As i fuck your throat
I'm about to blow
You look up me and smile
With that look you love to show
Laying on the bed
And we're both spent
I want you to leave
But you don't get the hint
because your in luck
We made love the first time
Now we're gonna fuck
I bend you over
Your pussy is still damp
I slap your ass and begin
My hand print like a stamp
I begin to fuck you
It gives me a little tickle
Getting harder every time
I watch that ass ripple
Your pussy is dripping
You take all of my cock
I begin to slow down
but you scream " don't stop"
So i slam you even harder
And that's exactly what you want
I love the warmth and wetness
Of that tight little cunt
We don't go to church
But i ask for forgiveness
The way you scream "oh god!"
They think we're religious
Now i have you against the wall
And you bite on my chest
I'm going even harder
" Baby your the best"
I turn around
And slam you on the bed
You get on your knees
And begin to give me head
As i fuck your throat
I'm about to blow
You look up me and smile
With that look you love to show
Laying on the bed
And we're both spent
I want you to leave
But you don't get the hint
Published 20th Oct 2012
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20th Oct 2012 12:35pm
Stanza 8, Line 4 - 'being' should read 'begin'
Now for the good stuff! I liked the entire poem but the flow in the first five stanzas is much smoother than the last five. It seems like you were in a hurry to finish the write. The entire first stanza rocks! Stanza 3, Line 4 "I watch that ass ripple" is hot and humorous simultaneously. I love it! Stanza 5, Line 4 "tight little cunt" is ballsy. 'Cunt' doesn't usually go over well with the ladies. Personally, I don't mind the word and in this case it was the best synonym for vagina that you could have used there (even if you didn't need it for the rhyme.)
This is my favorite part:
"The way you scream "oh god!"
They think we're religious"
Without reading Part 1, the reader would not be aware that "They" means the neighbors. You were on top of your game when the idea to mention the neighbors again hit you for Part 2. The sub-plot of the neighbors hearing her vocals again really ties the poems together outside of the main plot. Well crafted and well penned. Keep rockin it BluntTrama!
Holly
Now for the good stuff! I liked the entire poem but the flow in the first five stanzas is much smoother than the last five. It seems like you were in a hurry to finish the write. The entire first stanza rocks! Stanza 3, Line 4 "I watch that ass ripple" is hot and humorous simultaneously. I love it! Stanza 5, Line 4 "tight little cunt" is ballsy. 'Cunt' doesn't usually go over well with the ladies. Personally, I don't mind the word and in this case it was the best synonym for vagina that you could have used there (even if you didn't need it for the rhyme.)
This is my favorite part:
"The way you scream "oh god!"
They think we're religious"
Without reading Part 1, the reader would not be aware that "They" means the neighbors. You were on top of your game when the idea to mention the neighbors again hit you for Part 2. The sub-plot of the neighbors hearing her vocals again really ties the poems together outside of the main plot. Well crafted and well penned. Keep rockin it BluntTrama!
Holly
20th Oct 2012 5:44pm
Well thank you for the comment yes I'll have to go
Back and edit it, it was 4 in the morning when
i wrote so i was a little out of it
Back and edit it, it was 4 in the morning when
i wrote so i was a little out of it
