Welcome to the window of my mind

Sometimes I question reality;
There’s nothing worse than waking up
And asking:
“Is this real?”

I’m assured it is definitely real
But then, Neo was told that too
So I’ll take no chances
And bleed every day, just to make sure
That it isn’t in my head.
Don’t cry for me; pain is the only beauty
I have left.

There’s a lot of thing I don’t
Understand. Like why I’m liked
So much
When I’m the person I am
But I’m assured I’m not that way at all
So I should stop thinking that way.
If I stop, do I stop being me?

I make people smile as a penance
Of sorts;
The amount of tears I’ve caused haunts me
So every peal of laughter I help into existence
Stays in my mind… The purest form of music.
Friendship is a nicer thing than I previously
Experienced.

Scenarios play themselves out
In my head
As I contemplate what a perfect world would be;
Would it be a smile from you as you finally
Get that hug?
Would it be knowing I made your day?