30 days to live

every single day she fought,
a battle with thoughts
wars of emotional taunts
physical pain forming psychological chains.

abundant love
her son she loves
unfortunately her health is cursed
so she has 30 more days left on this earth

every single night she wrote
tears poured,
face freckled with lines of hope
hope that one day it will be,
her son will forgive her
her sin, leaving him

with every single heartbeat,
emotions rallied to speak,
words form as she thinks,
eyes closed
she reaches for her matches and resumes to smoke
tears dry forming a trail on her face
then she cries again,
thinking of the tragic story her son would tell,
a tragic story her life entails,
a tragic frame to her life painting, her sons heart aching

as the pain awakens,
she picks the pain and bleeds on a page
writes another way she loves her kid
another way she loves the sunlight on his face
the noises he makes, his laughter.....
the joy he radiates,
the purity of life enclosed in his tiny body

so she cries,then she writes
then she weeps,then she smokes
then she drinks,then she stops....

fingers enclosed tightly on the pencil she holds,
she writes so fast so hard the tip
explodes
she sharpens her pencil and pushes aside all that she wrote
and begins again,
30 more ways she loves him the most,
30 more ways she loved him before he was born,
30 more ways she remembers the labor pains,
30 more ways, the last 30 contractions in the last 30 minutes
to his birth were testaments, of his love

it hurt, it was painful at first but what come after
her seed, her son, her stronghold, her calm
but her 30 days were up
her passing was soon to come

so she cries, then she writes
then she weeps, then she smokes
then she drinks, then she stops....

30 days of April, 30 days of thoughts, 30 nights she wrote 30 poems
and on the first day of the first week of the next month,
she left home gone,
never to return anymore

in the morning as her son awoke, he found a pile of papers at his door
and on the first page it read;
God gave me the best
here are 500 ways i love you more than anything else.