ranting

came over yesterday just to pick a fight
how can a love go so fuckin wrong
when shit was so fucking right
i guess thats what happens when you start as friends
it hurts double time cause you lose both of them at once
a best friend a lover and a perfect peice to your puzzle
then something fucking changed pretty soon your fighting cause theyre surely fucking deranged,the lunatic before you now
screaming obsinities isnt the one you told every secret you had to
now those same emotional secrets are being fired at high speeds
from his mouth a firey cannon of hate in the middle of a once handsome face,the man i loved and admired has all but expired
the shithole dirtbag bastard i see before me,the bringer of pain and rivers of tears,the one that gave life to all my worst fears, like an uncommon denominator in all the worst equations
and fuck my pussy still waters for him in expectation.
i am most wonderful in my despair i wallow in it like carmel to chocolate,and he leaves me empty but god help me when he fills me im running over, so i sit in wonderment as he defies our love
and again lonely and dilluted i sit and wait. just trying to shake off emotional head trauma ,so as i give one compliment i take all i spat here and chew it awhile its lost its waxy flavor long ago, where do i see me in a year ,i see me seein you behind glass and you on that clear window being the one i met ho made me laugh and loved me for me, the one that swore id be his wife someday,the guy that said i never ment to make you cry your my friend man,but cant you see as i go ever deeper into this drug induced abyss ,that i loved you frem the first kiss, i try to reconcile in my mind just what happened as this road ive been tredging on finally hits a proverbial dead end.then a glimpse of where we should have been how victory was mine and satan cant get a dish not a spoonful not one bite of my tasty prescious morsel.butr alas in these times when i find me remembering you wishing i knew what to do ,and where you are i recall as i stay and crawl upon my knees to ask god to take this pain ,and as if regaining conciousness i remember the call as i worried myself ill waiting to hear you be ok, and those words that rocked my very foundation im detoxin you get your shit bitch!!!!! and my silent revery is saited as one lovesick junkie strung out on you and drugs too,comes full 360 and smacks my face with understanding even as i still blink confused and disbelieving,
as if sobriety just grabbed me and said your cummin with mebitch,
and from that day foward ive been sober and as hard as most days become im still sober this is still very very real and yes that tearing pain thats real also id like to stop breatheing but what lesson would i learn if nuthing ever hurt if nuthing ever scarred
then how will i know and recognize this mistake before i tumble down loves path of least resistance yeah turn right here ,there your stupid ass is on lonely street fresh out of hope ;not even enough rope to dangle by , but scuicide ha you wish you had so much clout ,and in your secluded dillusion i bet you have no doubt, well my little mastered one i guess you should rethink all the nasty shit you said and then youll lie and pretend dilluted minds beliefs that
the one that said forever but really meant for now,the one like the epitome of night and day has changed and i dont know how.
he broke down that emotionally shunning a deflective armor
i so safegaurded myself with ,to cool to care thats me ,
so how does he deserve this rant,because i cant believe i let that amatuer decieve me,i mean really me and words of asong i once sang comes to mind im aplayer bitch thought you knew like every other nigga in my crew,and so as the slew of teen memories come filtering past i smile and know this pain is nothing i bet as i sit wet with my regrets carma is a bitch my friend .and when you least excpect it shell come out from her lofty perch to send you nose diving to the pavement pow bam fuckin nuthin left but a memory thatsd more like adream that never happened was he in the same life as me ,or did i wake from some love sick souls inquiry as to the love of their other heart,glimmers like comercials from some one elses sad life story......... there im done fuck em fuck em all big fat tall and small fuck em all