oh Father, I am sin

 this Saturday I attended church
for the first time in many years.
some old friends were going
and
I was talked into it.

I kept wondering how much
it must have changed.

we walk in, and
it is an open, welcoming space.
there is a coffee shop
to the right
and a
small book store
left of the
coffee.

we go
straight to the
congregational seating
area
but there are no pews.
instead, there are chairs
neatly rowed
on either side
of a stand
where men were working
computers
and calmly directing
camera 01 and camera 02
to the stage
way in the back.

up there, a band was playing
some soft rock/country tune,
singing about Jesus,
perfectly contented with their
lives.

we sit in the very back
awkwardly positioned
toward the lead
singer
who calmly and obviously
flowed perfectly
on the stage
and on the
large, flat
high definition screens
to either side
of him.

the song ends
and he asks everyone
to stand up
and welcomes everyone
to sing along to
the next
song
where its lyrics
could easily be followed
on the screens.

everyone except for a few elderly
stand solemnly
and most
start singing
along with
the man.

I fold my arms
over my ribs
and look around the room.
anyone who made eye contact
with me
looks away
like it never had happened.
there were strobe lights
that made perfect shadows
on the
multilevel ceiling
and smoke machines
behind the band
and
many, many people
perfectly contented
with their lives.

I look at the screen
and it says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I
have sinned"
and
I didn't move
but my mouth dried
and I didn't look
but someone down my row
had sat down
and
I don't think
they were content at all.

and I
wasn't going
to argue
with
them.