My True Story. Not Just A Poem.

Aside From The Way I Am On Facebook, The Way I Am On Twitter Or Any Other Social Network. Aside From The Way I Am With People That Know Me. When I'm Alone All I Do Is Lay Down & Cry. I Write Too. My Room Is A Mess. Unfinished Poems & Stories & Letters All Over My Bed, Floor & Desk. When I Go To Bed I Don't Even Clean It Up. I Lay Right On It. My Eyes Are Heavy. When I Look In The Mirror I Don't See Beauty. Not My Looks. But In Myself I Don't See Beauty. It Looks Like My Face Is Losing Color. Like I'm Losing Myself. I Used To Smile All The Time. I Love My Smile, Well I Did. & Now When I Smile Its Only For A Second. For The Person I See Every Now & Then That Asks Me To Smile For Them. Sometimes, When I Wake Up Late At Night & Go To My Moms Room. She's Not There So I Go Outside & I Take A Walk. I Wish Death Upon Myself & I Think Evil Thoughts. Just A Whole Bunch Of Nothing. I Imagine Someone Walking Up To Me From Behind & Killing Me. You Probably Think I'm Crazy Right Now. I'm Still Mad At The Past & Then I'm Mad At Something Else. This More Than Anything Else. I'm Angry & I'm Hurt, Still. At The Thought Of You Having A Child With Someone Else. I Didn't Want To Say Anything About It But It Haunts Me Everyday. In School If Something Comes Up Having Anything To Do With A Child I Can't Stand It. I Can't Concentrate. I Try To Keep Paying Attention But I Can't. I Try To Get The Thought Out Of My Head. When I Found Out, I Knew I Couldn't Possibly Stay With You. I Knew Id Have To Let You Go. & I Tried But I Couldn't. I Wanted To Let Everything Go But I Couldn't. Because Now Something Happened That I Could Never Forget About & Now I Was Filled With Rage. I Was Mad At Everyone. Even God. & I Asked God. Why Did He Do It. Why Did He Let This Man Come Into My Life, Allow Me To Love Him & Stay With Him For So Long. & Why Wasn't I Warned? God. No Answer. So I Told God I Hated Him & I Told Him To Leave Me. Because He Took The Only One That Meant Something To Me.