deepundergroundpoetry.com
We're Batteries
We work and play
All day
Refuel and recharge
All night
Break us open
And we'll start to ooze
We get older
We lose our strength
When we're with others
If we work together
We're stronger
In parallel
We're as weak as individuals
Millions of us are made a day
Indistinguishable from one another
To all but the keen observer
Beyond that
We get used and abused,
We're only as good as the work we do
And when our facade cracks
We can start spitting acid...
[Edited due to critique from Jack Heslop]
All day
Refuel and recharge
All night
Break us open
And we'll start to ooze
We get older
We lose our strength
When we're with others
If we work together
We're stronger
In parallel
We're as weak as individuals
Millions of us are made a day
Indistinguishable from one another
To all but the keen observer
Beyond that
We get used and abused,
We're only as good as the work we do
And when our facade cracks
We can start spitting acid...
[Edited due to critique from Jack Heslop]
Published 4th Sep 2012
| Edited 5th Sep 2012
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 11:51pm
5th Sep 2012 6:02pm
<< post removed >>
5th Sep 2012 6:35pm
JYHO is all I really want. I absolutely love honest critique. As for the 'as', when I was writing this piece I took it out and then on a whim replaced it. I wrote this piece and then took the ending as the title but I think that[as you've said] that has made the end line a bit redundant.
I'm glad you enjoyed this piece.
I'm glad you enjoyed this piece.
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 11:36pm
15th Sep 2012 2:49pm
<< post removed >>
15th Sep 2012 3:18pm