Why is it so hard not to care what people think

You say your "brutally honest" or can you just not control What comes out of your mouth
Because the funny thing is, your only "Honest" when your in one of your moods
When your so freaking angry at the world you hurt me
Your insecure to me and then when push comes to shove
Suddenly I'm back handed from one of your comments
That I'm ugly  
Now I am strong enough to dismiss this as untrue
But when it comes from you
YOU
I question things
Were people lying to me?
Look everyone judges each other
It's natural, we were taught very young
Someone is the best, there is a competition
But I know when and how to say my opinions
I think about what I say BEFORE I say it
But that is to difficult for you
I could try and talk to you
but what good is it if you use it against me later
I can't just put what happen behind us
because all i hear is the laughter after you insulted me
The carefree look you had on your face
That is what scares me you don't even notice the impact of your "joke"
I was just sitting there biting my lip so hard, to hold my tears
Praying that people would stop starring at me
Wondering when this moment would be over, people could look away so i could collect myself
Because I am not putting on a show for these morons
They don't get to see the girl cry
See me hurt, as if they got to me
give them satisfactory
I just want to brush this off
But I can't
I don't want to care what people think of me
But sadly I do