Incoherent thoughts of a Syco

I must escape this place.
Leave responsibility in a murky wake of extacy.
Too much is asked of me.
Too much has been done to me.
I must escape this place.

I feel like I'm standing in a crowded room naked.
My body feels heavy with judgmental eyes upon me.
I can't stand to interact as normal people do.
I stand there and smile but I want to explode.
I hate people, even the ones I like.
I must escape this place.

I watch the expression on people's faces and see lies.
I know what they are thinking of me.
They think I'm a nice person but they are mislead.
I have a rotten, decaying, blackened soul.
I look at people and smile and see there blood-stained faces on the floor.
The heel of my shoe against their throats.
All there bones shattered.
I must escape this place.

I am scared of me.
Therefor everyone else should be.
But they are mislead by my actions.
I walk around and people look at me.
They have no idea what I am capable of.
I could snap at the drop of a hat.
But I just stand there and smile.
I want to fucking explode.
Blood, Guts, Torn Limbs.
Rip there still beating hearts from them and just smile.
I must escape this place.

But for now I wallow in my disgraceful self pity.
A piece of shit dangling on a rusty hook above the gates of hell.
Self inflicted wounds keep the demons at bay.
A tear in my flesh, sweet pleasure pain.
The warm rush as the blade breaches my shell.
The feel of a cold 12 gauge muzzle in the roof of my mouth.
I'm scared but at peace with the thought.
It keeps me sane, at least to others.
Nobody knows the black that is in my heart.
I hate myself so much I can hardly breath.
But one day I will escape this place.
Then everyone will know me.