Links (a collaboration with 13)

i really like this! there are tones of good lines and quotes! i love this

Thanks :) I'll be sure to pass on your kind words to 13.

Very good! Evokes interesting images.

Thanks :)

sublime

i could not but show my audacity here.
hope i am forgiven.

'Folded, tucked in a corner
his parched throat shrills
infectious, contagious, lethargic
knighted and knotted in misery

[interesting use of shrill. as a verb.
love the use of knight and knot in
the same context. well done.]


when time stops
apathy doesn't.

[ah. this is getting better. very well said.]

how could you feel?
the torque his stomach takes
when a soft wail becomes a plea
and an oath becomes a stake
interfere; you're not a hero
you're out of place

[this is a ton of bricks and tricks.  loved
L3 and L4. and the last two lines. this is
cream. bravo.]

by the boots of steel-toed injustice
we're all beaten
and ragged

discriminate and
salivate like a dog
spit we will
unlike on animals, still
one man's castle is
another man's pin cushion

[love the whole mix. strong images. the tone
is loud and clear. unwavering. tangible angst.
caste and pin cushion is ingenious.]  

bleeding their wounds
weakly latched to life
as fortitude fails
souls do wail

[rhyme, i avoid while reading and writing.
here it works. however it felt like a weak
spot.]

right - in their eyes

tears in his.

[yes. wonderfully done. full circle.]

i am not familiar with the work of my indian
friend. but i would say that the best of two worlds have come together and what we have here
is quite a treat. loved those moments.

thanks for the read. hope to see more.

lovelight,

sumeet

It's such a pleasure to have you around, Sumeet. You're excellent in commentary :)

Interesting about the rhyme, we had to work on that verse quite a bit. I'll check back with Dennis about that one, I do agree with you.

Thanks for your other kind words and crit. It was great working with 13. He's an excellent, intellectual writer and I strongly suggest his work to you.

Thanks again, and again, it's great to have you around :)

Thanks Sublime, I guess you have my link from 13 and good of he to pass it on.

Yes from time to time come choice of left or right to turn to lead us from our corner place.

Emotional justice, now there’s an uncaring two edged sword, for all that souls might shrink and wail a while, now put your faith in fortitude, for all it fades it will return for all to call .... cogito ergo sum.
Both of you a write well done  

Thanks very much :)