Emotionally disqualified by proxy

Am I who you say I am.
A dwindling fool within himself.

I rarely last more than 5 minutes.
And I blame you for that shade of black.

I built you up.
And broken down lays waste that is me.

Day by day.
Lost in a blinded daze of what you think.

On Tuesdays, you give me just a little bit more.
And on Fridays, you wish I killed myself on Wednesday.

In my dreams, I sing songs of: "better to be used, than to be useless."
I always wake up in a sweat, like I've been dead for 5 minutes.

And when I touch you.
I feel your honesty, as though your heart is against mine in fright.

When I lean into you.
You shun me like a mugger expecting dinner.

I can't tell you my dreams, my hopes, my wishes....
You never opened that door for me to walk through.

When you tell me you love me.
My soul is crushed into nothing every time.