Love Is The Devils Brethren

Vampires are the best! The taste of salty sweet scarlet. Welcome ...

Thnx i aim to be more vampiric

First, I would just like to say I did enjoy the poem. I think you should have told more of their love story though, because all I'm picturing is a Twilight sort of things where they cannot be together because he's a vampire. Next, I'd like to say that when it comes to you attempting to use older language to make it sound more that time period, it takes a lot more then to just add the word "thy," even where it doesn't make sense. In the second line, "She would kill\ him if she had thy chance," simply does not make sense. "She would kill\ him if she had the chance" does. Also, you do not need to have the "DEATH!!!" to be so... for a lack of a better way to say it, way over the top. Death is such a dramatic word already, I doubt you need to add the three exclaimation points and capialize the entire word. It was a nice attempt, but I don't think you quiet hit the mark on this one. Believe me, I love vampires as much as anyone, but I don't feel like your poem served them much justice.

im so sorry and if i had the chance to be with u the last thing on my mind would be to kill you !! im sorry

kk soz fotr the 'thy' i will try to cut down on writing it. and for thy morbid misstrs if u wont kill me then be with me not damien.