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forever in you heart

thy lover awaits,
here in the grve yard,
i bleed for thy eternally

my heart bleeds,
bleeds for you,
i scream your name,
thy father does not know,
but thy partner is death,
death in its self

with this razor blade,
held to my wrist,
i take my life,

to be with my lover.my death,
my death is crule.

i hate the way poeple stare at me,
i wish it would stop,
i just want to be alone,

for that is what i wanted all alonge.

people stare at me as if all thay can see ,
is the scares,
the scares that fail to kill,

my beauty...
no one knows all thay see is my awited death!!

i will take my life from myself,
here,
now in this verry grave yard,
i wish to be free,
free from this shit!!

theres always somthing diffrent going wrong,
the path i walks in the wrong dirrection,
theres always somone fucking haning on

will someone come and make things better

my lover awaits...

i will know end my suffering
for thy lover awaits

Written by thymorbidmisstrs

(emo-freak-xx)

Published 2nd Aug 2012

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

likes 2 reading list entries 0

comments 6 reads 196

Commenting Preference:

The author encourages honest critique.

Re: forever in you heart

mjs211 (MikeTheEngineer)

3rd Aug 2012 5:16am

1. "Thy" is Middle English for "your." People tend to overuse it, sticking it in for any sort of pronoun or possessive pronoun they decide doesn't sound "poetic" enough. You should go through and edit out anyplace you don't specifically mean "your."

2. Some misspellings need fixing: grave (line 2), itself (line 9), cruel (line 14), along (line 18), scars (lines 20 & 21), they (line 23), awaited (line 23), very (line 26), graveyard (line 26), something (line 29), different (line 29), walk's (line 30), direction (line 30), someone (line 31), hanging (line 31), now (line 34).

That should get a basic cleanup for starters. In addition, you should use commas and periods in places where you want people to pause and take a breath. You shouldn't use them in the middle of a thought just because it's the end of a line. A helpful tip is to read your work out loud, and anywhere you find you get to the end of a thought and would naturally pause while talking, use a comma or period.

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