When home is a graveyard

this isn't supposed to be my life
I was your wife
we had a home, we had a dream
now i live a nightmare filled with my own screams
 
I should be home cooking dinner
instead I'm at a bar, looking a lot thinner
 
I should be home washing clothes
but i kneel at a grave, thinking about the day you proposed
 
I should be home making the bed
yet i sit under our favorite tree wishing i too was dead
 
I should be home waiting for you to get there
however I'm in my car smoking a joint, laughing with despair
 
we should be home relaxing together
instead i hug your pillow, the down one with the picky feathers
 
we should be home messing around all day
but I'm alone and everything is black or gray
 
we should be home planning a family
yet I'm planning funerals and living with tragedy
 
we should be home fighting over meaningless bills
however I'm dealing with the fact you O.D.ed on pain pills
 
phones ringing in the night
still give me an absolute fright
mentally fucked over this
walking around angry and pissed
 
I should be home with my soul mate  
but I'm not, I'm sitting in some empty place gripped with hate
no way to avenge you, I awake daily to curse the morning sun
I miss you, your my only, you were the one.