deepundergroundpoetry.com
Temple of the Mind
Somewhere in the deserts
of time the spirits sail restless
along blue ocean warmth love
into cruel tempest and of the vigil
lighthouse moon fangs comely heritage
of the afterdark present
Oh, but in the temple of the mind
the phantoms are out at large
singposts of
the city credo mumble
Somewhere, among all things unnatural the man
makes his nest and surrenders the piety
of rain fire to the mercy of
the elevator
Published 6th Jul 2012
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comments 12
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 16th May 2018 7:35pm
6th Jul 2012 8:16pm
<< post removed >>
6th Jul 2012 8:30pm
7th Jul 2012 2:06am
I'd use a comma after the word "unnatural." I'm not sure how you get from "desert" to "ocean" to "city," but you do with this reader having to look closely at place. Wonderful movement, flowing without flow. Not an obvious movement to this reader at all--very clever and imaginative.
To say "welcome" would be a dishonor. You are one of us: and vastly more.
marcella1
To say "welcome" would be a dishonor. You are one of us: and vastly more.
marcella1
8th Jul 2012 10:10am
yeah, i suppose you're right, though its smoother if you take 'deserts of time' more abstractly. thanks for the thoughtful comment. :)
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 7:37pm
7th Jul 2012 6:33am
<< post removed >>
7th Jul 2012 10:23am
7th Jul 2012 2:46pm
I like this. From the two poems of yours I have read so far, they seem to have a very structured, almost classic feel. However, I think the last line adds a twist to the poem. Nice work :)
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 7:37pm
7th Jul 2012 3:01pm
<< post removed >>
7th Jul 2012 3:41pm
http://allpoetry.com/virgin_universe
my name is not mike. i live in india. i am nineteen years old. i'm not on facebook or i would link you.
how about this: the guy saw my account, told your ex it was his account, though i really cant fathom why.
my name is not mike. i live in india. i am nineteen years old. i'm not on facebook or i would link you.
how about this: the guy saw my account, told your ex it was his account, though i really cant fathom why.
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 7:37pm
7th Jul 2012 4:31pm
<< post removed >>
7th Jul 2012 4:42pm