Absurd truths

If I love it
its gone
if i detest it
its there forever
I stopped loving anything a long time ago
I began hating everything around me
disdain would take over my life
For if i should show anything the tiniest bit of love
It fades into nothingness
it ceases to exist
It Started with my favorite shirt
I loved that shirt
I was 14
it was blue
then pink
bleach
then it escalated
from a shirt to people
to pets to homes
to jobs to buildings
even food i loved somehow became tainted and tasteless
like life
while noticing that i also noticed,
things i hated from childhood were still around
my hideous yellow winter coat
still in my closet
my pervert uncle Joe
102
the Subaru with all the rust from 83
over 300,00miles still running
yet nothing I loved
I started strangling the life from my heart
forcing it not to feel,
It was hard
at first
but then it became easy
to detach
and let go
because I had to
if i didn't
things would perish,
break or wilt
crumble or rip
I haven't bought anything new in awhile
nobody's died
i haven't had to move
i still have the same shitty job
my cat seems great
and it all because
I stopped loving
and starting hating
crazy
yet it works
for me
for now