Letter to a Friend (upon being asked if I am a healer)

i'm not officially ordained by the ministry of science and politics
people tell me that they feel better when i'm around
people tell me secrets
the last secret was from a girl
we consider ourselves friends
yet we've barely talked
her boyfriend may be a bit jealous
one day she told me she was molested
sexually violated
she told me that she only told one other person
ever
and that didn't work out very well
other people tell me that i sooth anxiety attacks
people like to talk to me
perhaps my voice is lenitive
perhaps i possess attractive pheromones
demeanor? physical appearance?
i'm not sure why
healing appears to be innate within me
it's a blessing-curse
now i have a secret to defend
people are so fragile
it's a lot of responsibility

i'm turning into an infirm ghost of what i was
yet a giant with crushing feet
the invisible godzilla
who works at night
during sleep
to be a vital fixture in the unknown realm
to wake up and not murder everyone i see
to murder myself
to resurrect myself
atomic warfare
nuclear fallout
the transmogrification is excruciatingly uncomely
so many people have died and they haven't even met me
death is beautiful to them
it brings life
every day i grow older
every day dies and dies again
i'm turning into a mirror
i'm turning into myself
a reflection of what was
a reflection of what will be
the destruction wrought
the bliss attained
duality is inevitable
imp and victim are the same individual
i'll wear a goats mask
i'll carve a blanket of alligator skin from a flower petal
i'll wrap myself in it and call myself reborn
i'll gut jesus and crawl inside
i'll become god
i'll become an intestinal bug
i'll become the antibiotic
i'll become a tightly clenched fist
blood from an udder...
an innocent human child smiling, aureola glowing, as i transcend life's bustle...
a struggling fish on line...
a martyred saint's rotting corpse...
Lord House Fly...
i'll become whatever you want me to become...