Numb

I have dived down to the depths of my despair

Every feeling that has ever been in the world, I have felt

I am exhausted from the constant turmoil of my heart being shredded, piece by indescribable piece

I have arrived at a comfortable level of numbness in my body, heart and soul

Nothing of me left but an outer shell,
Damaged as it is

My soul has left me tonight, along with him

There is nothing either of us could say now that could possibly make me whole again

This time the damage has been done beyond measure

I am sure comfort could be found by me if I was able to feel some bit of hatred towards him

Unfortunalty the numbness refuses to acknowledge this fact

It prefers to remain unattached as to save me from anymore spitefulness that may be cast my way by him

The constant love/hate that we ran through together these past few months has caused another demon to emerge from the back left corner of my brain

For now he just stands to the side...watching...waiting
A pen in one hand
A notebook in the other

He makes notes everytime I start to think about wanting to feel...something...anything

I fear he will be the final hit that destroys the only thing left of me...the shell of my body

The only thing left to ask is whether I will allow myself to be destroyed or block the final blow when it comes

I pray I can find the strength peeking through my now numb brain
To chose the right course to proceed onward

The image of what will become of me this time is too much for me to bare