Need

I seek the rush - the adrenaline
I seek the pain
I seek the blood
Iseek the scars
It began with "I wont get addicted, nothing's wrong with me."
Then it turned into constant mutilation of my soft, pale flesh
I needed the pain
I needed the blood
I needed the scars
It lets me know i'm alive
Now I am in a hole that i have dug so deep that I can not get out of
Two weeks sober from my addiction?
I'm physically sober
Constant thoughts of death and self-mutilation race through my mind
I begin to get scared of myself
But then, the blade comes out and makes everything better