True Worth

To love someone, what is it worth?
Especially when they cause you pain, anguish and so much hurt?

You try so hard to fulfill, yet their abuse to your soul is the ultimate kill

What the fuck else can I do?? I do nothing to hurt, abuse or use you. I abide by you, I oblige to you. I gave my heart entirely to you! And what do I get from you?

I get a slap, a hit, a kick when Im down
Made fun of and laughed at like a circus clown
No support, just an abort of any positivity

How can this be? Why does this happen to me?

Do I have to slit my wrists to show that I'm legit? Do I have to pull the trigger to show that I am an actual human figure?

I am doing my best to possess the qualities you are used to, but once again, it's not good enough for you.
Your anger and addiction has me in constant confliction. Your hurtful actions and words put me in such immense affliction.

This is the most horrible rendition of love. Sure wasn't the type I dreamed of.
Your bipolar puts me in complete disorder.

But yet my love for you remains and refuses to leave my brain and my heart. Without you, I seem to easily fall apart.

But one fact for me to see, is that I will always pick up any remaining pieces. I am able to be and capable of being healthy and happy! Most see when it's time to pull the plug. Able to leave with just a kiss and a hug. But something keeps me holding on. What is wrong with me?

Give me the M16A2 rifle! Time to end this vicious cycle!
As I have the barrel in position, I feel a change in my disposition. I put the weapon away. I realize that indeed, there is another day. I pray I find my way.

I want to finally be able to say

"Yes I'm ok" and actually mean it