Everything's fine. (But it really isn't)

Sitting on the edge of your bed,
Making that decision,
Its been nearly three months,
But you cant take it anymore.
You fought it for that long,
But its built up again.
You cant think straight anymore,
You cant concentrate anymore.
Its time to vent.

You flick through your diary til you find that silver edge.
Pick it up carefully,
You don’t want to have an accident,
This act is on purpose,
And not for the weak of heart.

The razor is cool to the touch,
The edge still sharp.
You put it in position,
Analyse your arm.
Decide where to put this scar,
To compliment the others.
Parallel to the last one,
Cause they're a family,
A family like the one you never had.

With that final thought you press the tip into your flesh,
Pull it towards you,
Working the blade with the curve of your arm.

The valley in your flesh begins to fill with blood,
Welling up over the edges, and trickling down over your wrist.
You cup your hand, letting it fill a little,
Then watch it flow through your fingers,
Dripping on the floor.

But wait,
Is it meant to bleed this much?
Your heart skips a beat as you think of the worst.
You grab a handful of tissues and press them over the wound.
Try to stop the bleeding,
As calming as it is.

Almost fifteen minutes later and the tissues can barely keep up with the job.
The bleeding has slowed,
But its not about  to stop.
Its gunna have to be good enough,
Your mothers home from work.

Butterfly clips,
A cutters best friend,
Pull the lips of your cut together.
Letting them meet again.

Now for the bandage,
Wrap it carefully around your arm.
Firm enough to slow the last of the blood,
But loose enough that you still have full movement,
You can't look suspicious,
When your mothers like a hound.

In your head you realize how close you just came,
That tonight could have been your last night.
You think of the people that mean the most to you,
Of all the people you could've hurt…

Pull on a jumper,
Fake a smile,
Walk outside,
Like everything's fine.

(But you'll never see it isn't...)