deepundergroundpoetry.com
Good-Bye (A Letter to a Friend)
"Good-bye. And so I have said too much and not enough...."
Dear Elexis,
If what you truely wish is for us to stop being friends than so be it. You have been quit nicer than alot of other people about ending our friendship and so I will leave you alone from now on. I am sorry that I texted you, I am sorry that I read your poems-- I just thought that maybe if I showed that I still cared, I could still save our friendship. And now I know that I was wrong. I should not have tried, I should have taken the hints. The blocking me, the ignoring me. The unanswered texts messages and not talking to me at prom. I know that I should have taken those hints and just left you alone but I still held onto this hope that you would text me or call me one day and tell me what happen... Tell me what went wrong.
"...And so the play is finally at an end, you never had the care to call my bluff. So I must be pleased to be your friend..."
But you never did and so here I am, once again another broken friendship cradling dead in my hands. Like a still born child, dead and cold before it's first moments of life. If I try hard enough I can taste the tears that want to pour from behind my eyes but I know that they will not. Because I refuse to let them, I refuse to fall victim to this madness, to these tears and to this pain. I will be happy as you have wished for me to be and I will not look back as I do so. If the time arises that we are meant to be friends again. Then please Elexis so be that as well, because I will always think of you as my friend.
"...But what then was the purpose of this game? I never really had a chance to win. It's true, I rather like who I became. But what am I to do with who I've been?...."
Through my eighteen years of life I have known exactly eleven or twelve best friends. All that have long since forgotten the friendship, seeing it as a thing of the past. A thing to not be remembered, a one time fling-- A childish moment in their youth. But yet I sit and I remember each and every one of my friends, my best friends. From pre-school to now where I say good-bye to another one right here and right now.
In pre-school their were two, their names were Emily and Alexandra.
In kindergarten it was a girl named Grace.
In First Grade through third Grade it was Jessica.
Then it was Shadea and Krista.
And then from fifth grade to my Sophomore year it was Alexa.
When I lived in Winstead, Connecticut it was Cayley.
When I lived in Florida it was Anastasia and Meghan.
When I went to an All Girls School, it was Krystal.
From sophomore year to when she broke up with me it was Alexis.
And from last year until now, it was you-- Elexis.
Thirteen best friends.
From pre-school to Senior year.
And none of them speak to me anymore.
Well they did but not in the way we did then.
Because we were friends then.
We were meant to be friends for that amount of time.
Live, laugh, love and learn.
And then move on.
To something else.
Somewhere else.
With someone else as our best friend.
"...It's true, I rather like who I became. But what am I to do with who I've been? For I may wish to meet myself someday
among the ashes of a fire long dead. To see my shadow there and hear it say that it was happy with the life it led..."
Thank you for what you have gave me. You were there those desperate broken times that I needed your help and love. I will not end this friendship like my last two, I will not end it in blood and tears. I will be strong and I will keep moving, I will be strong and I will keep moving-- Keep going forward with my life. And I can only hope that you will be happy and live your life as much as you wish me to live mine. I want you to be strong and happy, just like you want for me. You deserve to be happy as much as the next person. Do not let the problems of other seal your fate Elexis, do what you want and go forward and most importantly be happy.
"...What emptiness awaits me? This I fear. Far more than any peril I might face. My purpose in this world became less clear..."
I feel like I'm rambling now, but I do not know what else to say-- Don't know what else to do. I just feel like there are things that are being left unsaid, as I speak through my own words and that words of my favorite singer's poem.
"...When you were taken from your cherished place. Within my wishing heart and went your way. So willingly it almost makes me ill. To think it never crossed your mind to stay. Pushes the dagger deep, completes the kill..."
I'm sorry.... I feel like writing this I am dragging out something, when really I just want to say a proper good-bye. Because I am assuming that you may not even read this, you may not even care to read this-- You may hate me for writing this. I do not want a war, I do not want to hurt you in anyway. And I most importantly do not want this letter to upset you. I just want to say good-bye. But to end the letter would mean to end the friendship would it not? And I do not know if I am ready for this.
"...And yet how much of this was done by me? Had I the courage would you still have flown? How sad to think this was not destiny. But my mistake, yet how could I have known?..."
....
I will always remember talking to you in English class, skipping class behind the stairs. And the fateful day that you watched me leave school forever, leaving you and the other broken dolls behind it that madness. I will remember when I met you health class over my story "Half-Blood". I want to think that your last poem, and these sublte text messages are the meaning that our friendship has ended... And what a laugh it would be to find that it has not and that you only are asking for time and space?.... That would be funny, now wouldn't it? But I know the reality of this, and it is that we are to say good-bye. Good-bye to tears and laughs, good-bye to smiles and inside jokes. Good-bye to random conversations and helping each other with problems. About you calling me and I calling you.
Good-bye to being friends.
"....Now here is my dilemma, as it seems. Do I accept the score that fate has set, And calmly watch the passing of my dreams. Or do I dare to place another bet...."
Good-bye Elexis. Thank you for everything but I will do as you say. Live and be happy, only if you promise me you shall do the same.
"...That where the curtain falls another rises. If I am wrong then strike me for my sins. But I believe our acts and thin disguises. Where but a prologue to what now begins."
Sincerely yours, Anne-Marie
Dear Elexis,
If what you truely wish is for us to stop being friends than so be it. You have been quit nicer than alot of other people about ending our friendship and so I will leave you alone from now on. I am sorry that I texted you, I am sorry that I read your poems-- I just thought that maybe if I showed that I still cared, I could still save our friendship. And now I know that I was wrong. I should not have tried, I should have taken the hints. The blocking me, the ignoring me. The unanswered texts messages and not talking to me at prom. I know that I should have taken those hints and just left you alone but I still held onto this hope that you would text me or call me one day and tell me what happen... Tell me what went wrong.
"...And so the play is finally at an end, you never had the care to call my bluff. So I must be pleased to be your friend..."
But you never did and so here I am, once again another broken friendship cradling dead in my hands. Like a still born child, dead and cold before it's first moments of life. If I try hard enough I can taste the tears that want to pour from behind my eyes but I know that they will not. Because I refuse to let them, I refuse to fall victim to this madness, to these tears and to this pain. I will be happy as you have wished for me to be and I will not look back as I do so. If the time arises that we are meant to be friends again. Then please Elexis so be that as well, because I will always think of you as my friend.
"...But what then was the purpose of this game? I never really had a chance to win. It's true, I rather like who I became. But what am I to do with who I've been?...."
Through my eighteen years of life I have known exactly eleven or twelve best friends. All that have long since forgotten the friendship, seeing it as a thing of the past. A thing to not be remembered, a one time fling-- A childish moment in their youth. But yet I sit and I remember each and every one of my friends, my best friends. From pre-school to now where I say good-bye to another one right here and right now.
In pre-school their were two, their names were Emily and Alexandra.
In kindergarten it was a girl named Grace.
In First Grade through third Grade it was Jessica.
Then it was Shadea and Krista.
And then from fifth grade to my Sophomore year it was Alexa.
When I lived in Winstead, Connecticut it was Cayley.
When I lived in Florida it was Anastasia and Meghan.
When I went to an All Girls School, it was Krystal.
From sophomore year to when she broke up with me it was Alexis.
And from last year until now, it was you-- Elexis.
Thirteen best friends.
From pre-school to Senior year.
And none of them speak to me anymore.
Well they did but not in the way we did then.
Because we were friends then.
We were meant to be friends for that amount of time.
Live, laugh, love and learn.
And then move on.
To something else.
Somewhere else.
With someone else as our best friend.
"...It's true, I rather like who I became. But what am I to do with who I've been? For I may wish to meet myself someday
among the ashes of a fire long dead. To see my shadow there and hear it say that it was happy with the life it led..."
Thank you for what you have gave me. You were there those desperate broken times that I needed your help and love. I will not end this friendship like my last two, I will not end it in blood and tears. I will be strong and I will keep moving, I will be strong and I will keep moving-- Keep going forward with my life. And I can only hope that you will be happy and live your life as much as you wish me to live mine. I want you to be strong and happy, just like you want for me. You deserve to be happy as much as the next person. Do not let the problems of other seal your fate Elexis, do what you want and go forward and most importantly be happy.
"...What emptiness awaits me? This I fear. Far more than any peril I might face. My purpose in this world became less clear..."
I feel like I'm rambling now, but I do not know what else to say-- Don't know what else to do. I just feel like there are things that are being left unsaid, as I speak through my own words and that words of my favorite singer's poem.
"...When you were taken from your cherished place. Within my wishing heart and went your way. So willingly it almost makes me ill. To think it never crossed your mind to stay. Pushes the dagger deep, completes the kill..."
I'm sorry.... I feel like writing this I am dragging out something, when really I just want to say a proper good-bye. Because I am assuming that you may not even read this, you may not even care to read this-- You may hate me for writing this. I do not want a war, I do not want to hurt you in anyway. And I most importantly do not want this letter to upset you. I just want to say good-bye. But to end the letter would mean to end the friendship would it not? And I do not know if I am ready for this.
"...And yet how much of this was done by me? Had I the courage would you still have flown? How sad to think this was not destiny. But my mistake, yet how could I have known?..."
....
I will always remember talking to you in English class, skipping class behind the stairs. And the fateful day that you watched me leave school forever, leaving you and the other broken dolls behind it that madness. I will remember when I met you health class over my story "Half-Blood". I want to think that your last poem, and these sublte text messages are the meaning that our friendship has ended... And what a laugh it would be to find that it has not and that you only are asking for time and space?.... That would be funny, now wouldn't it? But I know the reality of this, and it is that we are to say good-bye. Good-bye to tears and laughs, good-bye to smiles and inside jokes. Good-bye to random conversations and helping each other with problems. About you calling me and I calling you.
Good-bye to being friends.
"....Now here is my dilemma, as it seems. Do I accept the score that fate has set, And calmly watch the passing of my dreams. Or do I dare to place another bet...."
Good-bye Elexis. Thank you for everything but I will do as you say. Live and be happy, only if you promise me you shall do the same.
"...That where the curtain falls another rises. If I am wrong then strike me for my sins. But I believe our acts and thin disguises. Where but a prologue to what now begins."
Sincerely yours, Anne-Marie
Published 16th May 2012
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