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I know that you
do not care much
of me,
or my pain.
But I need you more
than anything right now.
I need you to Look at me,
I need you to speak to me,
To tell me that everything will
be allright-
eventhough I know it wont.
I need to hear your voice,
I need to hear you say that you care
I need to hear you speak my name
like you never have before.
I need to feel your touch
Because it is the only thing in the world
that makes me forget what He did to me.
I need to hear your silence as I explain-
Even though it will pain me to.

I know that you already know
what happened to me;
But what you don't know
is Who did it to me.
I want you to know that I trust you,
To realise that I Need you.
I want you to know all
of the feelings that I have
 hidden from you;
That I was, and still am,
too scared to show
because I know that
it will ruin you.
I know that it will break you
when you have nothing left to say.
When only thing you can do
is look at me with Sorrow,
and Pity.
The only emotions that break me-
But not enough to equil how
"He" broke me.
Every day I live in Fear,
Pleading, anyone, that
I will not see Him.
Sometimes it works,
Sometimes it does'nt.

Blake, you are the only person in my life
that keeps me from compleatly shutting down.
The only person that saves me from sinking.

I know that you have one question-
or maybe even more-:
"Why me?".
Why you, in particular,
my answer is this:
Because you asked.
I know that it was meant to be a joke,
but you did not even think of
asking yourself how I would react.
I remember the tone
in which you spoke;
Sympathy, like you knew.
Sometimes-in my mind-
I can hear you say it.
Hear the sympathy in your voice
that was ment to be a joke.
When I begin to cry,
you say that you are Sorry,
say that it was just a Joke.

I can see you-
After two days of my silence-
reading  the letter that I wrote.
I can see you trying not to cry,
crouching over with your right hand
on your forehead as you read my secret;
The secret that I kept safely hidden
in the deepest abys of my mind,
In the strongest volt that I could find.
The secret that I Knew
Nobody could unlock;
Until that day,
the Twelfth of October, Twenty-Ten,
when you, Blake,
found the key:

"Zoe, varst þú ráðist kynferðislega"?


Z.L.H
4/24/12
Blake Martin Tasos