deepundergroundpoetry.com
Narcissism
Imagining my funeral I must admit
it excites me more than future weddings
Nothing will change
My body delicately pampered soft as sin
and wrapped in Versace Fendi or Prada
Admirers flocking from far and wide
desperate for one last gaze
Shielded by veils and silk handkerchiefs
they won't even realize it's their greatest gift
a role in my last display
although my image thrives
Ambrosial breath on lovers' neck
and delicate fingertips forever etched
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
I imagine my funeral and giggle, nearly forgetting Gods don't die.
it excites me more than future weddings
Nothing will change
My body delicately pampered soft as sin
and wrapped in Versace Fendi or Prada
Admirers flocking from far and wide
desperate for one last gaze
Shielded by veils and silk handkerchiefs
they won't even realize it's their greatest gift
a role in my last display
although my image thrives
Ambrosial breath on lovers' neck
and delicate fingertips forever etched
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
I imagine my funeral and giggle, nearly forgetting Gods don't die.
Published 25th Apr 2012
| Edited 28th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 7
comments 15
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Apr 2012 1:26am
Carla
As brutal as it gets.
I really like the way it's executed.
Packs a punch. Some memorable expressions
and then in the last line, you nail it.
Almost there is a cruel joy in it.
A sinister feeling.
Enjoyed this trip,
Sumeet
p.s-
I feel something not right about this line:
'they won't even realize it's they're greatest gift;'
probably you meant 'their'.
And the 'it' in the first line should rather
be at the start of the second line, serving
for both. JMO of course.
And the punctuation somehow breaks the spell.
Just me.
As brutal as it gets.
I really like the way it's executed.
Packs a punch. Some memorable expressions
and then in the last line, you nail it.
Almost there is a cruel joy in it.
A sinister feeling.
Enjoyed this trip,
Sumeet
p.s-
I feel something not right about this line:
'they won't even realize it's they're greatest gift;'
probably you meant 'their'.
And the 'it' in the first line should rather
be at the start of the second line, serving
for both. JMO of course.
And the punctuation somehow breaks the spell.
Just me.
Thank you!
oh my god. :C typos. Fixing it now.
And you're right the punctuation is blah so I'm editing that out too.
oh my god. :C typos. Fixing it now.
And you're right the punctuation is blah so I'm editing that out too.
Anonymous
25th May 2012 9:13am
Well. Carla. This is brilliant.
The sense of enjoyment and sarcasm at the expense of the
mourners is sort of hilarious.. but discretely tucked away between the words and lines. Great poetic flair.
The sense of enjoyment and sarcasm at the expense of the
mourners is sort of hilarious.. but discretely tucked away between the words and lines. Great poetic flair.
27th May 2012 00:13am
3rd Jun 2012 5:23am
3rd Jun 2012 8:15am
Anonymous
- Edited 16th May 2018 1:37pm
23rd Nov 2012 4:51pm
<< post removed >>
24th Nov 2012 1:57am
15th Dec 2012 6:37am
"Ambrosial breath on lovers' neck" Love that and the last line made me laugh, maybe not the appropriate response to what you intended though :)
16th Dec 2012 10:01am
3rd Jan 2013 8:06am
Near the end of the big paragraph it feels like it gets a little wordy if you know what I mean...But that just my opinion... the very end is a favorite part... Pretty dark... I like it :)
24th Apr 2013 3:38am
favorite lines:
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
omg love love this part!!!
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
omg love love this part!!!
24th Apr 2013 3:39am
favorite lines:
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
omg love love this part!!!
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep
omg love love this part!!!
25th Apr 2013 7:16am
16th Aug 2013 2:00pm