The Addicts Chronic Insomnia

I've got 22 years of experience,

old for some, young for most.
depending on how you look at it.

I'm still a well qualified representative - formerly obsessed with it - That gentle kiss that never comes during the night, a true poet's delight and an addict's cross to bear: Insomnia.

It's dissolved now to a mild problem, but still a curse none the less, highlighted by daily struggles and perpetual mental stress.

Yes - my gilded curse which was bestowed upon me way back when- I wear it in my skin, and I fucking pray it doesn't get passed to my future kids,  my kin (if I even make it that far.)

for now, I wear it as a brand; an imprint.

as a daily reminder that "this is your cross to bear, this is what you get."

It's as permanent as a stone,

and as forgiving as murder.


I AM

an veteran of this fucking evil being,

with whom it seems I am constantly

waging losing wars inside my mind -

Even though I should be retired - (the term Veteran is relative)

this thing...this BEING, this evil being...

who instead of transforming itself to its preferred physical form

of nightmarish ghouls, ghosts and other creepy things, it creeps

and shape shifts, dancing along freely in my insides like it owns the place,

and threatens my sanity on a daily basis. it greedily feeds off my sanity by torturing me

with the pain of 96 solid hours awake, with no signs of stopping. God, help me.

It knows how to make my brain feel like it's melting,

while at the same time being stitched together with a simple thread and spool, and if i might add - threading intrecately with a fine point needle.

I'm just a fool, and delicate as a pink sugar rose on

a birthday cake. Still, it's so painful.

It'll have you wishing you were in a lucid nightmare,
vampires tearing at your flesh so vivid you'd hear it tear...
But it wouldn't matter. you'd at least be dreaming. sleeping.

id give anything just to feel that free fall.

(sadistically speaking.)

I am going insane.

My mind has fallen off the tracks,

barreling towards me at a rapid speed.

I'm hoping it just finishes the final deed,

and we collide and it kills me

just take me out of my misery.

Still, I have perseverance,

I don't give up that easily. Determination.

Don't judge me by my appearance, or I'll judge you

by your actions. Then I'll play God and sentence you

to eternal damnation.

There is far more to me than a tattooed

defensive surface: but i've found none of that matters.

It's pretty evident in the last few "round of contestants," that when my heart

goes pitter patter, thump thump and I feel that uncomfortable lump

in my throat

- wet or not, ( I can be thrown away dry or sopping) I'm still dangling on the clothes line,

am I out of my goddamn mind?

For constantly seeking Nirvana and producing fruitless efforts. It's true,

I am washed up, drying in the wind.

Strung out.

Nothing to calm or warm me, but I know that soon, warmth will arrive

from the glare of the red and yellow Sun,

and then shortly after - is when the insects will come.

I'd ask for fucking help... but

I am beyond saving.