If She's a Sick Joke, I'm Begging to Catch the Illness.

There's a pretty fair chance I could mess this up,
and have a larger set of toys that I won't ever give up.
 
Assuming I ruin it like everything else,
why even try just to walk again through hell?
 
The lullabies break my heart,
as my dreams and I, we drift apart.
 
It seems I fear I'll destroy more beauty,
that never got to live, but died drenched in ruby.
 
I'm terrified to close my eyes,
just to wake up and realize....
 
The one perfect thing I had I broke,
and people believe she was some sick, sad joke.