Fatal habit

I often numb the pain I hide,just enough where I feel dead inside,
I place a spoon over a candles wick,syringe in Hand with a tourniquet.
I only do this to numb my pain,it burdens like a rat nibbling my brain,
As I insert the needle intravenously,I push the plunger down eagerly,
Until finally a sudden rush explodes,through my veins I begin to doze.
A high beyond surreal,where I have to question what is fake or real.

My arms are over punctured with black and blue scars and holes,
From all my times of numbing pain that I could no longer control.
Spoon and candle with a nearby flame on high with my drug supply,
Water bottle and an amber substance that boil potently when combined,

Sometimes I wish I never started doing this shit that fucked me up,
If I had a will to never start bangin',...what the hell am I saying'?I needed
Something to love,God surely did'nt love me when he seen my mom
Over dose from above....
When push comes to shove,drugs make my life easier to bare,without
Them I couldn't live this nightmare and I won't depend on prayer!